I don't have the courage to see the lines of your face, the drops of sweat moving between the lines. I don't know what kind of mental illness I will have when I look at the eye sockets that have deepened over who knows how many millennia. Such an unimaginable disease, for which there is no case yet to be identified, will eventually push me to the edge of a cliff and push me down to completely sever my connection with reality. It knocks down the roofs of houses with its horns carved from obsidian, rising above its skin that resembles an ancient mirror. There is no way I can stand against this huge but slow-walking being. I have no intention of running away from him anyway. I feel that if I can get a few meters closer to him, even from behind, I can overcome my fears and turn into a creature at least as powerful as him in my mind.


Finally, just like in the rehearsal I did this morning, I repeat in my mind the words I will shout when I approach him. I hope that this rehearsal, which I have been doing every day for more than 30 years, will work and end as I dreamed. I don't pray for this because I lost my religious faith a long time ago, for me now there is only the unknown, fears, passions and questions. Even though all of this creates a more tiring situation than before, it makes me feel liberated. Now I am on the roof of a house, my body is sliding down at a very slow speed. The rainwater that fell the day before has still not dried. I'll be lucky if I fall without touching him, or if I can climb back into the house without him feeling me. I repeat my words in my mind one last time and approach him. First, his unusual vibration distorts my perception and I lose my balance. Then, in order to get a little closer, I hold on to one of the boards hanging from the roof and let myself fall. Now the rest is up to what I can remember, my courage and my expectations.

September, 2023 by Demon Ego