There is no way to express my excitement, I feel like I'm a little insect and I'm jumping up and down the concrete walls. Of course, this definition may have been a little humiliating, but I don't care because I have long left human emotions and concerns behind. I have been like this since I wrote the things I wanted to experience on paper and dropped them into the water. I could not have predicted that they would come true. Now, I wonder who knows who owns that paper and how the demons I drew on it like a punctuation mark at the end of the words make its new owner feel. Did he imagine that I was a madman or a "great" artist, or did he find everything absurd at first glance, crumple the paper, and throw it in the trash where the dirty water pooled at the bottom? If I were to give in to curiosity and set out now, I would probably be unable to move from hunger and thirst after a few days, because at such moments I forget to eat and drink. I will undoubtedly turn into a corpse that succumbs to curiosity.

I was sitting on the balcony of my house, putting the paper in front of me for the first time and trying to decide what to draw and write on it. Ivy and other plants tangled on the cement-covered pillars supporting the balcony had begun to rot. I could hear the sound of decay, the sound of insects crawling on rotting plants, the sound of the stone-covered earth where the poles were buried, shifting. The little demons wandering around in my mind were trying to scare me by shaking the ground. I welcomed them in with a smile, and placed in front of them small pieces of meat and my mind that smelled of fresh nightmares. It was obvious that they were hungry, and in a few seconds they devoured everything in front of them and leaned back, holding their stomachs. They leaned against the wooden wall behind and watched me, curiously watching how I would paint them.

June, 2024 by Demon Ego