Inmate #B-204: Buttons Malone

Height: 5’9” (buttons not included) Weight: 165 lbs (plus 38 confiscated buttons) Crime: Being a clown

Buttons Malone was arrested when security mistook his oversized buttons for hidden explosives. The contraband turned out to squeak when pressed, disrupting evidence storage. Officers recorded difficulty booking him, as he kept “popping off” his own buttons during questioning. Buttons denies malicious intent. Warden notes describe him as “a walking wardrobe malfunction.”