Undefined Disorders 2nd Era: Within Every Object, Outside Every Moment

There is a difference between being stubborn and being persistent. Stubbornness always seems more impatient, futile, and unlikely to lead to goodness or happiness. Persistence, on the other hand, represents the questions, answers, and sometimes modes of communication that must be insisted upon in order not to miss out on a chance or a moment of goodness. It sounds more meaningful, like a kind of effort that isn’t wasted, like a passion with purpose. Maybe the metaphorical association of stubbornness with the goat has darkened its definition—pulling it toward something negative. The mythological link between goats and the devil might be why stubbornness feels like it carries a demonic tone. I didn’t plan to go into this subject or stray from what I initially wanted to express. Maybe I should now insistently stop writing about insistence. Is there really a difference between persistence and stubbornness? Should I insist on finding one? I feel like I’m drifting away from where I wanted the words to take me.

I choose to become part of an object, to adapt to its form. It doesn’t matter what the object is made of, what it’s used for, how long it will sit unused on a shelf or in a storage room, or which country it will end up in. I just want to shed my body and experience my organs and senses resting on a senseless surface. I only have my art to carry out this experiment—my art, a powerful laboratory that contains every material I need. I want to experiment with becoming soulless, to grow indifferent to those who have a soul. I want to stay in a room—maybe a kitchen or a living room—for months without being touched, only watching the lives unfold around me until the dust on me is finally wiped away. Then, when I return to my body, I want to have nothing much to tell. I want to have been a lifeless presence listening to the boring repetition of daily routines, the funny moments of those coming and going, their conversations, secrets, sorrows, and inhumane decisions. Without reacting, without blinking or moving a single limb, I want to meet daylight without being dazzled. And later, I’ll have my own little stories of surprise and absurdity to tell myself. I want to compare the meaninglessness of being an object with the astonishment of being human.

May, 2025
 by Demon Ego