Undefined Disorders 2nd Era: I Saw Myself in Everything, I Became One with All

I set aside all my pride and the impulses that I now realize were making me sick. I recorded their decay on the side and watched over and over the weak points, the color shifts. In those transitions, I saw something pure and mesmerizing. I tried to hold it with my hands, but I wasn’t strong enough yet. I filled space with the weight of something abstract, had the mass of a still body of water. I thought I had skipped my pills, that I was curling under blankets in dreams I’d never had before. I didn’t water the grass rising from under my bed—I left it to dry, to transform. I waited for them to dry out and fit inside a pillow that would make too much noise one day. I lay down, and as I slept more, my scalp itched more, my mind itched more. I scratched until my fingers were tired, my nails filled with dirt—like I had dug through soil with bare hands. I watched my fingers rot, shift in color. The scorched skin peeled and underneath appeared tissues belonging to other beings.

I scattered all my filth, broke apart the blind clouds that covered me. To glide through cool air like a soft cactus, I emptied myself. My mouth dried up—I needed water. I drank liters during the day and kept thirsting for more. I drew an image of everything underwater and hung it on my wall, but the weight of the water threw the frame off balance, and everything spilled out. Fish slid through the door lock and filled the room; the room became a pool, the fish in it grew massive. The sword broke, and the truth of everything was revealed. They weren’t as frightening or shocking as I expected—just textured with a few colors. I watched everything—calmly, though my heart still bled a little. I watched the walls shed their skins, watched how outsiders couldn’t see what was within. What they cared about was the height of the walls—because that meant nothing would happen to them.



April, 2025
 by Demon Ego