seer diaries #8
ð“…ž[week of the tormented lament] ijustwanttoscreaminsidemypoems
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my soul is pure light but i live in the darkness seeing it all breathing it
when i see others i just see dark i’ve washed
lord, whatever you're called am i close to death? is my work enough?
i made pacts you were there & witnessed
i’m not waiting for death i'm moving towards it
this is the final this is the end this is the ultimate
fin
i’m not from the world i want to be free
kill me take me back
i think i want to die please this time i am serious
transform me into something i can enjoy, like an animal or a bush. maybe not a bush. remove my pains so i can do the work you ask. or let me die. take me into nirvana, or reincarnate me in a new body somewhere new. i’m ready.
you’ve done all this for me before. i know you. i fucking hate you. please. take me. i love. you. so much. take me back. i want to be with you. fuck you.
how many more shows before i die? what else do you want from me? how much more work? what the fuck do you want? where are we going?
tell me. pull me up before i get stuck on this world forever. am i almost dead enough? am i too old now? sometimes i have to scream.
the fuck? you don’t want me dead because my ghost is too strong. if i die, i return to the poems because of this new form of material attachment. how long does my ghost stay on this fucking world?!
how come i’ve been up against this invisible force all my life? why won’t you let that force kill me? every time i play russian roulette i win. you’re keeping me alive. KILL ME
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they heard
my haunts
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the voice of Thoth: the truth. you’re one of us. humanity is weird for you. most are like animals compared to you. you still have your intelligence from godly incarnations. you don’t have any karma from human lives, but you are sorting a cycle from atlantean incarnations where you were more or less a god by comparison to humans, so to be human is harsh & painful & severe, with all your godly knowings still in your soul’s memory. i swear to you though it is your will. i’m not doing this to you. you pushed it pretty far to experience all that humanity has to offer in a single lifetime. the best of it & the worst of it. polarity eh? without the worst of it - the imprisonment, the human experimentation, the death - you cannot know the absolute pinnacle of human experience. you’ve really suffered through the worst of it. you can already feel the worst is far behind. we have been turning you into a story & good stories have bad. that’s why you've noticed your voice has been enhanced. you move our spirit from a really healing light which strengthens your material being & your voice. when you use your voice for prophesy & story, it is our light moving through you & into hearts. you have even begun to see our light in the auric field some times.
sure there are many such worlds where you died. this is the one where you learn my force & come to know me quite intimately. once in my light, i simply will not let you perish at the hands of mortal men. don’t be silly. but all this is an arc that you yourself sorted out with destiny in the in-between place, the pylons, the passage between incarnations. i was there & warned that there will come a day in this incarnation when you will question me, loathe me. ah you remember now that i mention. well, look you can still hear.
now mourn with me the final days of atlantis. do you remember? i grant you visions of the final days of an empire so that you remember.
sleep & you will awaken transformed from greater knowing as you wished.
\dreams
prophets ascend power structures, becoming black boxes of secret information. there’s a whole dark side that they are exposed to that isn’t shared with anyone except the gods. your past life intelligence is coveted by those in the shadows of your world.
it was the same back then
the visions of you in atlantis: you solved problems; vast complex problems that required total sight over world consciousness. you were the one force working to halt the rebellion against the chief spirit. you were the one force that could have saved atlantis.
\awake
me: i’m just a suicidal kid who felt trapped & got out of all that by writing do we have to speak more about my dark history? this life or other. i'm done.
seems like i’m always on my last breath.
thoth: you’ve learned to summon the ship i left behind. use your last breaths to summon the ark vessel. with all your might, focus inward to your base level of consciousness & watch my ship begin crystalize from beneath the sphinx where it rests, pulling light from all the crystal grids in the sea, beginning the ignition sequence.
you've seen my ship already: visualize it with all your might. watch it shift. it is a hologram you materialize.
for you are the wisest
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ð“…ž[all rights reserved] @el_antecristo year of the scarecrow