no5ay_: Emotional Blackmail

"Emotional Blackmail" by Daniel Jerome /no5ay_ collection 2022 4000x5000, 300ppi Digital abstract paint expressionism

Just the way it sounds....Almost evil sounding? Well sometimes it actually turns out to be that way..but I feel most of the time this goes unplanned. Sometimes it's played out in a form of victimization. Maybe someone feels some sort of entitlement...has some expectation...and they just aren't able to see any other result or choose to not be open to the idea of feeling differently. Someone may feel accused & fall into defensive reactions. Being blind to their own actions. Some are deliberately able to use this strategically as a tactic to manipulate ones thinking......or is it just a way to convince someone else that isn't able to see the same view? Already thinking of this topic whilst listening to a podcast...I thought about these labels. The many different ways for things to be brought up & multiple names for one thing..maybe to sugar coat things so the blow isn't as hurtful, or to provide more importance or emphasis....Mid way through the vid I got a call..Some lines were crossed & the whole thing turned out to be a 3 hour argument..It ended on better terms after realization from both parties, etc...But a lot stuck out to me. I'm not someone that speaks out often. I feel I don't have many important things to say, especially being put on the spot because of my low self-esteem…So it isn’t normal for me to argue..but I am highly sensitive to energies to where sometimes I misconstrued them in almost unreasonable & unnecessary ways. This then resulted in the understanding that everyone is different & how they are able to handle things as individuals are very different..& me only half understanding, where the other half results to me feeling aware in general, but also unaware of my own actions...I started to wonder too deeply..Myself, continuing to label the problems I have been identifying..& having them as excuses for what I consider my own flaws..is that a little form of emotional blackmail when explained? "Well maybe this shouldn't happen because I can't do this.....or.....This happened to me growing up so thats why I'm like this now?" Maybe even during this free write, I might have the wrong definition. It's almost like the line between being aware & taking action becomes blurred..very blurred..& I end up with all these questions leading to only more misunderstanding due to the distortions brought upon by who exactly? Me? Media? Elders or people before me? Experiences?..Off tangent again..but to bring it back...during the argument, though it was being handled in arguing-type fashion..an outer me was able to see & hear the run around. A part of me was able to feel the feelings over and over again. It's almost like an argument turns out to be who can obtain the most points, until one gives up or notices that the points really don't matter…& that these points only become tallies for you to prove to yourself that your thinking is right for the next time it happens...next thing you know it's habitual…& negativity subconsciously becomes a reward system..now you are pointing out every little thing to validate yourself, when in the very very beginning you were already validated…& now you don't know what is valid because you had went against what your aware & conscious self believes because of habit..who you are arguing with...time & experiences..So back to emotional blackmail (lol)...A lot went into this piece more than that topic alone, but it was the start, which in turn taught me a lot. Having finished this piece, finished the argument, finishing this free write..I know this idea of manipulation, a lot of times is unintentional from just my experience with others growing up till now. I'm used to the idea of blackmail being something crime related in a suspenseful film/drama & "emotional" put together with "blackmail" my first connotation is...well….”manipulation..bad..get what they want..etc. etc”. But I was learning & seeing the opposite as I continued to call it out in my argument. You could think an even argument is emotional blackmail being passed back & forth, depending on the topic of course. Not all arguments require victimization or singling out ideas. I guess the important thing for me to get from this entry is...to continue doing the best I could to be aware & learn when to step back....remove as much assumption/expectation possible…& learn when it’s pressed or applied onto me or others. It's not a set of words I hear everyday & I don't plan on keeping it in mind so much that I just attach it to any similar situation. I think I was riding along the lines of habitual reasonings & such, but the feeling put in was definitely about my interpretation of “emotional blackmail” & details very inspired by a cycle.

twitter: @danie1jerome instagram: @no5ay_ (digital paint abstract artwork) other insta: @burnedbyairfryer, @fiasco9.0, @goneyharlic, @danieljerome