Self-Destruction: Self-Sacrifice #4 "Games of the Mind"

I no longer need alcohol to become stupefied. This is my normal state. When I suffer, I enjoy, and when I love, I hate. Everything is mixed up in my head, like a glass of whiskey. It's an explosive cocktail that I've been swimming in all my life. Today I feel bad, and tomorrow I feel good. Tomorrow I feel good about being bad, and I love myself because I suffer, and I suffer because I love. Myself, you, the reflection in the mirror, the first one, the other one, it doesn't matter, I've never been a whore, but I feel like one every day. I love you, but I'm seeing someone else. You'll never know and I'll never tell. After all, you are my dream, the man I painted in my head. You possess others, and I exist somewhere in the back of my mind. In a borderline state. I've always been depressed - she's my crown jewel. The clothes are anger. Hate and love in a glass of alcohol with you. Today I am free and I am myself again. Music plays in my head and everything around me plays with new colors. Purple, yellow and green. This is not a hallucination, this is you dancing beside me. I mix all men to create you. I wish you existed only in my head, we would have had sex, but I have nothing to do but f*ck myself.