exist to submit: big! election! day!

Election day was his favorite day, though it sometimes spanned days or even months. The boy had never experienced the electoral college or a voting process with multiple polling places spanning across every state. Pundits with no particular credentials or education had called it the great streamlining of modern democracy on varying indistinguishable television shows. They sipped their thermoses of decaf Monster Energy and laughed at each other's jokes until their veneers fell out and their tonsils bled and sometimes their eyes rolled back momentarily before resetting to a familiar distant stare that suggested ambiguous intentions.

No one was quite sure where the new election process was born, but historians pointed back to episode 243 of America’s Got Talent when an alcoholic ostrich farmer dressed in a tuxedo woven by spiders overdosed on prescription hard boiled eggs and got a standing ovation from the judges and the audience. After the doctors injected his heart with adrenaline to revive him, he grabbed the microphone and predicted a future where the entire country descended on a single town to determine the next president. He died moments after and received another standing ovation, though he didn’t end up winning the season. The winner of that particular season went to a man who had his arms replaced by chainsaws and did magic tricks on a flaming dirt bike...