Suite 23: 4 / November 23, 2025. Wiener

Ode to the hot dog:

Humble king of street food. Not pretending to be what you're not. Elongated sausage in a narrow bun. Simplicity. Human nature.

Family unity. The sun is beating down on the stadium and my team is losing, but what does it matter when I have you? Tourist trap. I paid $20 for you in Times Square and let me tell you, you left a lot to be desired, but the memory of being ripped off for a sausage will stay with me forever. I should have gone to Nathan's.

We love you as much in your food form as we do in your dog form. Invented in Europe, made into a rock star in the States. A bite of pleasure, with extra mustard please.

I hope someone loves me as much as Joey Chestnut loves you.