EPIC: Dissolving the Artist or Magnum Opus
Every 7-10 years, I change my "root" profession. Alongside my primary focus, I enjoy acquiring specializations that offer a broader perspective. I’ve journeyed through journalism and sociology, served as a chief editor, and worked as a literary editor in film. Then came PR in all its forms, alongside copywriting, law, business administration, and HR.
Eventually, at 35, I became an artist, adding ceramics, decor, book illustration, digital art, and NFTs to my repertoire. I truly believed I would be an artist for the rest of my life - that it was my true and final calling. But these past months, I’ve felt a crisis I can no longer ignore. It is time for a change.
A vital chapter is closing, and something new is beginning. I don’t yet know what it is, but I recognize the familiar stages of the Magnum Opus. I have undergone this transformation before, and I want to share it. This art and this text are my most intimate revelations - a story of fear, death, hope, and rebirth.
For me, deep personal change is synonymous with the alchemical process of creating the Philosopher’s Stone.
There are several stages of transformation that the psyche undergoes on its way from chaos to wholeness:
Nigredo (Blackness) & Mortificatio: The initial "black work." It begins with the decay of matter. Mortificatio (Killing) is the most painful sub-process. The ego must be "killed" or dissolved in acid. It is a state of total destruction where the old form ceases to exist. Psychologically, this feels like profound melancholy and a loss of meaning. Only the true core of the personality survives; everything else dies away.
Albedo (Whiteness): After everything has burned or rotted, purification begins. This is the stage of "washing" or distillation. It is the return of consciousness - the pre-dawn. One gains the ability to observe their states objectively, without pain.
Citrinitas (Yellowing): The transition from silver (moonlight) to gold (sunlight). It is the moment when theoretical knowledge begins to turn into practical wisdom.
Rubedo (Redness): The completion of the Great Work. Purified matter unites with fire and spirit, becoming indestructible. This is total integration - the state of absolute confidence and the appearance of the Philosopher’s Stone.
Looking at my identity crisis today, I realize I am in the stage of Mortificatio. The way I exist today no longer works: it doesn't bring happiness, it creates no challenges, and it changes nothing - not me, not the people around me, and not the world. My knowledge of myself as an artist is undergoing a test by acid, destined to either die off or transform into gold.
(Digital drawing, 2026)
