Searching For A Save Point (Continued...): Origami Continued:

Tomorrow is the 21st anniversary of the official major release of my first solo artist album. An album that began in 97 & was finalized in 2002, was released July 13th 2004. That wasn’t anywhere close to my artist origins, & I’m lifetimes away in terms of sound, spirit & sentiment from that release. I’ve always existed in the absolute moment, not by choice nor a mantra, I’m just hard wired to have difficulty thinking about the future & have no desire to ever creatively move backwards. To me, this isn’t a career path or hobby. My personal journey with art, music & expression is thousands & thousands of moments & pockets of creative escapism. I have a really difficult aversion to the concept of time, so what I create serve as anchor points to snapshots of time. Through revisiting what I create I have perfect recall. In general, I can remember 10 seconds ago in life. This world has always been difficult for me to navigate. We all have our own stories, genetics, family, friends, lived experiences etc. The one and only true North Star for me has been being able to find & create those pockets in time where my brain shuts off & intuition & raw expression take over. I didn’t set out to be an artist, I stumbled onto an audience that grew & grew & showed me tangible results in positive impact in those who I was blessed to reach. Survival as an artist that has never been something I achieved not aimed for because of how vast my network of industry & artist connections spanned. It’s not impossible but it definitely requires compromise of self eventually. There’s nothing wrong with chasing that path, I don’t look down on it from a moral stance, I just personally wasn’t and aren’t willing to jeopardize losing the process that always kept me tethered. I tend to ramble when I talk about anything in this realm because well, I’ve experienced so much, I’ve lived and breathed this w/ no pause my entire life. The thought of being locked to a brand or expectation of sound breaks how I want to exist and express. And across time, I’ve tackled many forms, often side by side walking a fine line between trying to be the artist my audience expects while also completely getting weird & taking my visions where my heart guides. I’ve lost so many hard drives & belongings over time, so much of my creative spirit was just lost to circumstance or time, but by a twist of fate, the universe decided to soften the blow of unexpectedly losing my mother by reuniting me with most of what was lost. Since then, I’ve re-lost so much, multiple times. And this happens because of urgency & distraction to always be showing up on feeds as creatively moving forward. Well those timelines don’t serve me, and they damn sure can’t guarantee they will safe guard the energy and attention I trust them with. So survival as artist moving forward can’t be prioritized over survival as human & finally showing the time and urgency into organizing, preserving & creating a private vault / public museum of the lifetime of passion & sacrifice that already exists in this world. This is something I’m wired to even want to put energy into, future + past is kryptonite for my adhd mind. I’m simply now forced to react to the new world of unreliable data, attention harvesting & metric vanity mechanics at every turn. What’s the value of the process unseen? One does not simply move from A to Z, I’m not afraid of AI stealing my job because I care to sell myself, what worries me is how little empathy or care exists already for the time learning and practicing for years already is. The expectation to deliver and keep producing results grows. Meanwhile the time spent on the difficult stuff, just isn’t factored in. Learning software, troubleshooting errors, learning new tools and mediums, real life obstacles…. But the most important, the grace to allow artists to not be visible long enough to experience life in a meaningful way to become fuel for new art. When 2 years old are promoting award winning motion pictures & Spotify is 98% non human artists.. I feel like having these well secure digital museums of real human expression and experience are gonna be the most valuable thing. And I know most could care less about any of this & just want more music to show up in their discover weekly playlists. Sorry I rambled hahah. You never know how much time or gas someone has left in them. So I’ma keep leaving no room for misunderstanding. 🫂