World War

cars are so small from my window on the second floor where does everyone have to go at 2 am it's an hour when I just want to smoke my cigar after two cans of beer after a day of calls with stupid people with just a few secretly agreeing with me after a day of grasping for air from underwater from the underground train with all the screaming children and laughing spoiled children we earned this we spoiled children generation with our houses with our thirty years mortgages with our cars with our two weeks yearly vacation with our papers on the wall what have we earned after all wouldn't have been better to fight some war and maybe die and maybe live who knows at least we'd had some purpose and not this industrial cut purpose keeping on consuming consuming this fake purpose buying clothes buying cheap food buying everything until we're satisfied barely capable of enjoying sex with our girlfriend can we even put an end to all of this can we even grasp for air though sometimes I've gone too at 2 am to some place I don't even remember what if we suddenly lose our jobs houses cars relatives would it be really that uncomfortable that much more uncomfortable, at all? would society lock us in some hospital point at us with her finger and laugh or maybe she would see she was wrong all along and join us or maybe after all we're really nothing but spoiled children of peace and parent's money patiently waiting for our children's children to throw some bombs at us

can't we see what's wrong can't we see what's right but everything is wrong and everything is right we can't even fight our own battles anymore we just want some quiet place where we can laugh at the occasional politician with ideas we think are wrong while we enjoy a nice but simple meal while poisons in the air and in the soil in our minds slowly kill us while we know that but we can't really throw a punch at an enemy so tiny our war is really more refined compared to our grandfather's ones my grandfather used to tell me about them about how he used to laugh in front of death and yes this I can still do look at this full moon at this tiny cars running fast and laugh

meanwhile I reach for something I can reach a car a house a way everyone goes through a job because it's so much harder to carve my own and I'll keep saying in five years I'll have saved enough in ten years I'll have saved enough in fifty years I'll have saved enough to buy my own grave while rich people are there really laughing really enjoying the show really thanking their parents for exploitation, murders, wars but we all always think someone is laughing harder than us while probably no one is laughing at all and our children's children will have their final bitter laugh when they finally will grow strong enough to chase us with their guns

but let me stop I've had enough complaining let's wrap this cigar up and stroke my dick ritually imagining some exotic girl imagining you're here with me and not away chasing your dreams completely futile like mine are but somehow we're very good at making a big deal out of them

I really want to see the dawn of a new day but deep down I know that dawn is soaked with blood and I don't know if after a lifetime of peace I want to broke my glasses in some foreign land

will we really be able not to say "I'm sorry" before raping our enemy's daughters?

meanwhile we're here trying to communicate who knows what through some forced artistic hoops or searching meaning in some contrived book or trashy tv show or just binge watching our favorite series episode by episode knowing we don't really like it that much or at all but it keeps us going so we go feeling feelings thinking thoughts that aren't our own and when we see our friends we just talk of what has happened without any interest at all

is this the real life or is just fantasy someone would ask we still have to find an answer to this question but it doesn't seem like we're searching very hard it really takes a good poker face to act like we despise suicide and if we meet I'll be the first one to try to talk you out of it because I never really tell myself not to do it because I really just avoid this confrontation and I keep hoping for the day I find my meaning

yet somehow I forget I've found it in that face you make that only we find funny like all I've wrote today is just an ugly joke

and then we laugh