simon cowell's last meal

simon cowell takes a hero dose of blotter acid. it melts into the white sludge caking his tongue. and he considers his own mortality. rams a syringe of botox into his eyeball to suffocate the sadness. and begins to consume a ground beef statue of howie mandel. the crowd erupts. at the consumption. at the spoiled beef dripping down his chin. and for the first time he is happy. for the first time. he is the most talented person in america.